Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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