Christians are straight up FREAKS
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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