i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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