she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we have officially lost it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
