oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
