My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
