How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
