you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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