Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think I won the penis lottery.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
