Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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