it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize