i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Even my vagina gasped.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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