They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
