I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
