Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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