I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
