why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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