if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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