Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
