Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
