Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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