i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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