Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
