Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
