Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
