I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize