and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
