I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
