Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
