O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
