So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize