Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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