everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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