Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
