And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
