Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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