Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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