I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
