Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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