operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
