I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
