Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
