Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
