I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
