You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
