i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize