I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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