New invention idea: vibrating tampons
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
