She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize