it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize