I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
