thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
