i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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