i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
there is glitter all over my balls
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
