i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
