dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
