The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
