last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
