The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
