i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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