I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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