Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
