$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
