Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
