i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
