you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
