Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
