Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
