Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
