that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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